There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
