Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
