You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
