why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
