Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
