I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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