if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
