tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
