Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
