her vagine was all disorganized.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
