Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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