Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
