There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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