this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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