That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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