dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
