i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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