he wants to bone in the snuggie
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
