Dual....:-)
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
