Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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