He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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