im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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