I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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