My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
