his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
