hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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