just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
