he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
