You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
