She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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