note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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