i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
