Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
