the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
