No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
