He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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