VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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