Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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