6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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