I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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