things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
