after a month anything with tits is on the radar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
