I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
