you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's never too late to be topless.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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