you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
