After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
