The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
