Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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