I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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