i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
