Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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