I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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