so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
