I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need moral support for this bender
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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