Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
