he wants to bone in the snuggie
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
