Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
