Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
