so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
