Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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