I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
two words...techno handjob
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
