You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
